I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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