she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
