why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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