If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
