i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
