Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
