No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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