You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
