Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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