he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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