Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
