I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
