is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
