yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
