I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
