i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize