Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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