I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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