He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
