Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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