we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
