So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
