I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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