apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
