I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
