my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
