haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
