I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
