we're chasing vodka with high fives
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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