just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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