Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize