dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The air was thick with penises
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
