i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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