nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
