I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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