according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
