My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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