The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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