Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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