I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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