Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
