my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Panties = found
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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