I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
