Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
