I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
