he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
