My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
