You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
