Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
