I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
