I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
