I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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