i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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