my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
