I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
