Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
