I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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