I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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