Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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