if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
