I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
