Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
4 words: hood of his car
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A+ Viking dick
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
