ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize