She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
