You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
