Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
