your thong is hanging out like whoa
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
