So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
