i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
