ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
