his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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