Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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