Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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