I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
