I can text with my tongue
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
