you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
