You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
