dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I woke up under a house in Key West
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