I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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