apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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