i think my tv is drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
