This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
