I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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