I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
