I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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