Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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