Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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