Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize