Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
