saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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