You just made me feel so damn special
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
