Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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