i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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