Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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