I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
