I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
