just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
