What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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