oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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